What am I doing here? Can it get any better than this? Hopefully, but for now this is my life. All it took for me to engage in these thoughts was me being dressed like a damn clown, literally. I just got released from my 15 minute break from my shift at Hot Topic, and sat alone on a lounge in the mall. Here I am making a morsel of a paycheck and for what? Oh nothing, but to just promote the store's most worshipped holiday of the year, Halloween, where I'm sporting the Joker look. More thoughts flooded my head as I caught the gazes of many mall consumers who pointed and laughed or hurriedly passed me but not without distributing disgusted looks towards me. Chuckling, I thought: Yeah people? Well you should see me on my good days, I dress quite the opposite! These feelings of being solitary, separated, and lonely, come every now and then where it makes me wonder: where do I stand in this big world of society? As I contemplated, I just sat back and took a recap trip down memory lane.
The issue that kept nibbling me at hand was how my social world of friends has diminished. Two causes for that are either my friends have moved away to different universities and simply, we became involved in our own lives and moved on. I mean, when it comes down to it education is the important thing to achieve at the moment and the "friend-making" is the bonus part (from what my dad tells me). However, I don't want to end up as a recluse who keeps to herself and eventually, doesn't know how to communicate with others by spending her days alone in her house with a bunch of her pet dogs. I'm totally exaggerating now (laughs), but in the end, I know it's me who has to get off my duff and make the effort to start new friendships here at CSULB. Is there anyone else out there who's toyed with these thoughts?
You are definitely no alone on this subject. I’ve thought about it multiple times. I understand what you mean by the whole friend thing, all my high school buddies go to different schools and I haven’t seen any of them since summer. I also am concerned that I may become an island that talks to no one but I can’t keep focusing on that or else I’ll miss the “here-and-now” moments I’m having. I agree that college is a whole different story than high school, especially with the social life. But, I feel that regardless of where you go, people have to make new acquaintances and slowly develop it into a friendship. Making friends is difficult wherever you go, but it happens when you least expect it to; and it can start with a smile and just a simple, “Hey, can I sit here?” So keep fighting girl! ^_^
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